15 God’s Design for the Family (Proverbs 4:1-9)
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Today we begin Proverbs 4, a chapter that I think can be divided up well into three parts or three pairings. We’re going to look at God’s design for the family with the two parents in verses 1-9 today, then next week we’ll look at the two paths presented in verses 10-19, and then we’ll close off this chapter looking at the two hearts in verses 20-27.
Two parents. Two paths. Two hearts. That’s the outline of chapter 4.
So let’s begin today by looking at the first of those three pairings, looking at the two parents in verses 1-9, examining God’s design for the family.
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We’re going to look at this passage today in two sections: we’re going to look at the message in verses 5-9, then we’ll look at the messenger in verses 1-4.
So what is the message in verses 5-9?
Verse 5: ‘Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. 6 Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. 7 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. 8 Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. 9 She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.’
The central point in this message can be found in verses 5 and 7:
Verse 5 says ‘Get wisdom, get insight’.
Verse 7 says ‘Get wisdom, get insight’.
That seems to be the main point in the message given here in these verses. That keyword ‘get’ appears four times and is translated from the greek ‘Qānâ’, which more accurately means to acquire or purchase. The sentiment behind that is not so much that wisdom is expensive, rather it is more so that we should be willing to pay whatever cost in order to have her.
Similar to Chapter 1, again here we see in verses 6, 8, and 9, wisdom personified as a woman. That’s because the messenger here is exhorting the son to begin a relationship with wisdom; to marry her… yet again showing us that wisdom is first and foremost a person to be in relationship with, not a set of ideas to live out.
In this relationship with wisdom, the messenger in our text tells the son of four responsibilities he has (in verses 6 & 8), along with four responses from wisdom if the son fulfills his responsibilities.
He tells the son in verse 6 to ‘not forsake’ her and ‘love’ her, and she will ‘keep’ and ‘guard’ him.
In other words, wisdom is someone to love and be faithful to.
Then the messenger gives the final two responsibilities of the son in verse 8, telling the son to ‘prize [wisdom] highly’, and to ‘embrace her’. In response, the messenger says wisdom will ‘exalt’ and ‘honor’ the son. Even more so, the messenger continues in verse 9 to say that ‘wisdom will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown’.
So we are to be:
faithful, loving, embracing, and highly prizing of wisdom.
And wisdom is to:
keep us, guard us, exalt us, honor us, and bestow on us a beautiful crown.
I know it's a new season but I hope at this point you can see the obvious connections to Jesus with wisdom in this text.
Psalm 121:7 says ‘the Lord will keep you from all evil, he will keep your life’.
Christ is your keeper.
2 Thessalonians 3:3 says ‘The Lord will establish you and guard you against the evil one’.
Christ is your guard.
Only Jesus has the power to exalt and honor us, and that usually only happens when and only when he is exalted and honored firstly in us. And lastly, only Jesus has the power to bestow on us a beautiful crown. The crown of life that James talks about. The crown of everlasting life in heaven with our Lord. Only Jesus could bestow such a crown on us. If we want the crown, the cross must come first.
So the message here is really simple: Get Jesus, Get Christ. Get Jesus, Get Christ.
Get Him at all costs. Purchase wisdom upon any terms, spare no pains nor cost to get it.
Proverbs 23:23 says ‘Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding.’
Buy the truth; buy Jesus, that is, be willing at all risks to hold to the truth. To hold to the gospel of Christ. Buy it as the martyrs did when they gave their bodies to be burned for it. Buy it as many have done when they have gone to prison for it. Be willing to purchase the cross of Christ at all costs. It is worth it. He is worth it.
That’s the message presented here. But by whom?
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It has been a recurring theme of Proverbs for Solomon to be the teacher and we his students, as he gives us varying lectures on wisdom and its importance. And here in this text we see something that is similar but also completely different. Similar in the sense that this section is another lecture and message on wisdom, but completely different in that Solomon is not the teacher. He is not the messenger. David is.
Solomon says beginning in verse 3, ‘When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, 4 he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live’.
Wisdom, which we’ve seen at times speak for itself (in Proverbs 1:20-33), and which we know always comes from the Lord (in Proverbs 2:6), here comes from the words of parents, helping us learn that
Wisdom is to be imparted from a parent to a child.
Look back at verse 3: ‘When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother…’
Here we see the presence of both parents in the son's instruction in wisdom. BOTH parents. Not one parent, both parents. And we don’t see the parents shipping the son off to learn about wisdom, to learn about Jesus, no. We see them instructing their son themselves.
Wisdom is to be imparted from a parent to a child’
Now I think the second part of verse 3 is important…Solomon says he was ‘the only one in the sight of his mother’. That’s interesting. It’s interesting because Solomon’s mother, Bathesheba, had three other kids. So does that mean she was playing favorites? To say Solomon was the only one in the sight of his mother would suggest so. But that’s not the case. The Greek word used in that verse which translates to ‘only one’ is ‘yāhîd’, a word that is used to suggest how beloved Solomon was, as if he were an only child.
Now that’s not to say only child’s are loved more than those who aren’t, but the point is that only children get a special attentiveness from their parents. Likewise, here that means Solomon, though he had other siblings, felt as if he got special attentiveness from David and Bathsheba.
And that’s a lesson for parenting right there. Parents must love their children! Children should feel a strong and special sense of attentiveness from their parents.
With Solomon, the more dearly he was loved, the more carefully he was taught.
Likewise parents, grandparents, the more dearly you love your children, the more carefully you will teach them. And that goes for mother AND father, as they both have a clear role in stewarding their child up in wisdom, in Christ.
As parents, you will send many messages to your children, some with your words and others with your life.
Is the main message you preach Jesus?
Do your words, does your life preach:
‘Get wisdom. Get Jesus. No matter the cost. Buy the truth. Be willing at all risks to hold to the truth. To hold to the gospel of Christ. Buy it as the martyrs did when they gave their bodies to be burned for it. Buy it as many have done when they have gone to prison for it. Be willing to purchase the cross of Christ at all costs. It is worth it. He is worth it.’
It’s not surprising that many parents, like great theologian Augustine's father, insist on getting wealth & worldly honor, among so many other things……….
But it's evident in this text that God’s design for the family is to have godly parents that instill ‘precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little, there a little’ (Isaiah 28:10). God’s design for the family is for parents who instruct their kids to ‘Get wisdom, and get wisdom with all your getting - at any cost and pains, and when you have got wisdom, when you’ve got Jesus, forget Him not - decline not from Him - forsake Him not; and - love - embrace - exalt - Him’ (verses 5-9).
As Charles Bridges says,
‘Such a keeping Christ is for your soul! Such a treasure for your happiness! Such a promoting honor even in this life! Such an ornament of grace in the church! Such a crown of glory in heaven!’
Is not then wisdom, is not Christ, the principal thing, not only important, but all important?
Wisdom can have no place, if it has not the first place.
Jesus can have no place in your heart, if not first place.
Now there’s more to note here than just the message of Jesus and of wisdom being passed down from parent to child.
What we see here is that David passed wisdom down unto Solomon who is now passing that down to his son. Even more so, Solomon is addressing this message to ‘sons’ plural in verse 1, which that plural use there is actually to address a lineage of sons, not to address multiple sons of his own. So not only is Solomon passing this down to his son, but he’s desiring the message of wisdom to be passed down to his son’s son, and so on and so forth.
That means that not only is Jesus, not only is wisdom to be imparted from a parent to a child - that instruction is supposed to be a generational thing. From grandparent to parent to child. Instruction in wisdom should be a multigenerational thing.
And I must say part of this makes me so sad. The multigenerational trend in the US is moving away from Jesus, not toward Him. Wisdom is not being passed down from grandparent to parent to child, rather folly and foolishness is. We’re seeing the fruit and offspring of a generation that did not pursue Jesus and it shows in the wickedness of those my age today.
At this point, it's as if we’ve lost hope in Christian grandchildren, we’re just hoping Jesus comes back before the folly of that generation overcomes the world. That’s sad.
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It is a fact that the enemy wants to draw as many people away from God as possible. It is a fact that he wants to destroy the world. And what better way to do that than by destroying the biggest institutions in the world? Institutions like the government, like our education systems, and, o yes, like the institution of family.
Families are a top target of our enemy. And that’s evident. Families are broken. 1 in 4 US children grow up without a Dad in the home. 50% of children witness their parents divorce. That means most kids in the US don’t have the same environment Solomon did to be brought up in wisdom, in Christ. That’s a large reason for why Jesus Christ and wisdom is not being passed down from generation to generation like we see in our passage.
The good news in all of this, however, as one commentator puts it, ‘is that the chain of wickedness can be broken with one generation that pursues the Lord’. Praise God for that. If there is a heritage of wickedness in your family, be encouraged that in Christ, that heritage can end with you.
And of course, the flip is that a heritage of faithfulness can be broken in one generation as well, which is a warning to me and others who have grown up with godly parenting, to not be the one to break that heritage.
So the multigenerational task is to introduce our children and our grandchildren to Jesus.
The message in verse 5-9 is most important.
As one commentator encourages us: ‘Read the Bible to your children, pray with them, bring them to church, have family devotional time, share your testimony with them, let them see you worship Jesus in gatherings, let them see you participate in the ordinances, and share Jesus with them so they can know him intimately. Also teach practical wisdom like how to be honest, handle money, kill a spider, receive and give a rebuke, etc’.
And that’s the goal of the two parents. The goal of the two parents is to pass down godly wisdom and the message of Jesus so that the heritage of Christ will not be broken by your children or grandchildren.
As pastor Jimmy Scroggins has said:
'The goal of Christian parenting is not just Christian children; it is Christian grandchildren'.
I love that. And I love you. God bless.
