18 The Perils of Sexual Sin (Proverbs 5-7)
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I know many people that have fallen into sexual sin and have stories with that. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it myself, and I’ve also counseled it.
Sexual sin is no joke, and it can, as we’re going to see today in Scripture, destroy lives. Solomon himself is an example of this, having dealings with foreign women, with his 700 wives and 300 concubines, that led him away from the Lord.
I find it to be very interesting that Solomon spends the large part of three chapters in this class of his on wisdom to expound upon the perils of sexual sin as well as the wisdom of marriage (and particularly the wisdom of lovemaking in marriage). That’s gotta be in part because it's worth emphasizing and talking about. Sexual sin & the wisdom of marriage have relevance & should be talked about.
Now since Solomon uses multiple chapters to discuss the perils of sexual sin and the wisdom of marriage, I’ve decided to group the chapters together in our discussion and study of Proverbs. So this week we’re going to look at the sections in Proverbs 5-7 that highlight the perils of sexual sin, and then next week we’re going to look at the wisdom found in marriage.
So looking at the perils of sexual sin in Proverbs 5-7, Solomon warns his son of two specific ways that he could and will be tempted to fall into sexual sin:
Language and looks.
Now before we continue, I want to remind you all and emphasize that Solomon is writing to his son. As any father would, he is naturally going to warn his son about the forbidden woman, which will see directly in our text. However, that does not mean his warning or even this subject of sexual sin is limited to men. If Solomon were writing to his daughter, he would talk about the immoral & forbidden man. And the main temptations would still be the same: language and looks.
So this section (Proverbs 5-7) very much applies to women too, and if you are a woman listening right now, you just need to reverse the image presented in these chapters (which I will do my best to help you do as well).
Also of note, quick aside, Solomon is a Dad talking to his son about intimacy & sexual sin. I cannot overstate the importance of parents having these kinds of conversations with their children. I love how one commentator puts it: he says ‘Parents, you need to be the expert on sex with your children.’
Why does he say that?
Because if you won't be the expert, if you won’t teach your children, the world will. The world will assume the role of expert. Unfortunately with technology in 2024 someone can come across pornographic content in seconds. It’s never been easier to access any of that stuff, and with our culture pushing more and more for, you know, ‘freedom of sexuality’, and we’re encouraging elementary kids to change their sex if they so please and our kids are seeing and hearing and being taught things I think could argued abominable ten years ago when I was a kid…parents you ABSOLUTELY have to be the expert on sex with your kids. You gotta be, and I would argue you need to become the expert sooner than later. I’d argue these conversations need to be had at younger ages now since the world is trying to educate kids on sex at younger and younger ages as well. I’d rather be proactive than reactive when it comes to this matter as a parent. And that is what Solomon is doing here in Proverbs 5-7. He is being proactive. He is being the expert, and this biblical example alone should be enough to set you parents in motion to have these kinds of conversations with your children.
That said, putting the aside, aside, let’s look at the first way Solomon warns his son of temptation to fall into sexual sin, and that’s through language.
Solomon begins chapter 5 saying,
‘My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, 2 that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. 3 For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, 4 but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.’
Solomon begins this chapter with another exhortation to keep his words close. Why? Because as verse three shows us, there comes another whose words, whose language, is smoother than oil, and it opposes and rivals that of Solomon. Verse 3:
‘For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil…’
Guys listening, you know we are susceptible to flattery. Oh my goodness. Women too. Anything that is a boost to the ego, male or female, is something we humans absolutely eat up.
Solomon recognizes that there has been and always will be an inseparable connection between speech and sexuality. I mean there’s a reason sex is referred to as ‘intercourse’. It is in nature dialogical.
I think that’s a large reason why you see sexual unfaithfulness & sexual sin begin with communication. We talked about this in Proverbs 2 when Solomon first addressed the forbidden woman.
I haven’t heard a single story of someone committing adultery for the sake of committing adultery. You don’t just get there, you build your way there. It always starts with something like lack of satisfaction in the home, coupled with a co-worker who notices your distress and asks how you’re doing, then all of sudden they are laughing at your jokes, and now you are talking all the time, and next thing you know badda-bing badda-boom you’ve slept with this person and your marriage is ruined and your filing for divorce and it all started with a little con-ver-sa-tion. A little language back and forth.
Language is a tempter to lust, to sexual sin, to adultery.
And as we’ve already somewhat pointed out, it's not just any language, but flattering, seductive language at that.
The forbidden woman, the immoral man, they know exactly what to say to scratch your ear. They are a smoooooth operator, smoother than oil. Their lips drip of fresh and tasteful honey. But here’s the thing:
The honey may be sweet, but the bee stings. That bee stings.
The temporary pleasure that sexual sin might bring, that honey, that temporary delight, is not worth the pain inflicted by the stinger that ever-remains, because ‘in the end’, verse 4, ‘she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.’ In the end that bee stings. Wormwood, for context, can be poisonous, and is known to cause nausea, vomiting, dizziness, seizures, muscle breakdown, & kidney failure. I speak for all when I say ‘ain’t nobody want dat’.
Additionally, the forbidden woman, the immoral man, their language may start smooth but in the end it cuts sharp. It's like a ‘two edged sword’ (Verse 4). It’ll lure you in with its apparent smoothness but then that smoothness turns sharp, and it cuts you deep.
You don’t want that. Nuh uh. No way. ‘Oooooo but the honey, the smooth words are so sweet and alluring.’ C’mon! We gotta be aware of this.
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Women listening, think with me for a second of what this language may practically look like in your life. Thinking outside of the obvious one on one conversation, I personally think TV shows & movies are such a great example of this. You watch the bachelor, the bachelorette, 50 shades of gray, This is Us, Titanic, It Ends With Us (a movie that came out this year), each show or movie paints a picture of love in a way that can leave you, if you aren’t careful, wrongfully projecting on your spouse or future spouse.
These shows and movies could leave you saying, "I wish my husband was more sensitive to my needs like the Billy Bob in This is Us." Or, "I wish my husband was romantic like Jo Shmo on the Bachelorette." And the same thing applies to the unmarried woman.
You can watch or read things like that and paint this picture of who your future husband must be like and it's distorted. I’ve heard quite often of women desiring their future man to be like some guy from the bachelor or bachelorette, saying, ‘If he doesn’t treat me like Big Boy treats cute girl, then I don’t want it.’ It’s a show or movie y’all. It’s not a real picture of love. It doesn’t align with Scripture at all and it is the breeding ground for future discontentment.
In my opinion, now here me this is just my opinion, I think what I just mentioned are examples of emotional pornography. I think men in general are more tempted by looks, which is what we’ll get to in a second, but language for women is a real temptation. You allow the emotional sensitivity that you see on TV or read about in books dictate or paint a picture in your mind of the perfect spouse, which again is distorted. So we gotta be careful.
And this same thing applies to guys too. We’re not out of the woodworks here. Again Solomon is speaking directly to his son. We’re all susceptible to smooth speech, to lovely language. We’re all capable of falling here. We need to be wary of those who (quote on quote) ‘have a way with words’. They also tend to have a way with sexual sin too. Sexual sin starts with communication, with language.
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It doesn’t end there though. Sexual sin also has its roots in looks. That’s the second temptation that Solomon addresses in Proverbs 6.
He says in verse 25,
‘Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;’
I feel we all know the temptation that looks can have in regards to lust. One’s looks can lead to another’s lusts. It’s important to know. I think we could argue our culture has become incredibly desensitized to this. You go to the gym and a woman is wearing practically no clothes, she’s got on a bra and tights that are tighter than a lid on a jar of salsa you can’t open. And that’s totally acceptable by our societies standards. And the same goes for men. You got men wearing short shorts flaunting their bare chest around and no one for a second bats an eye or stops to consider their brothers and sisters in Christ and whether or not their outfit is modest and honors the Lord. We’re desensitized to it, we don’t think about it.
All of this surrounding looks is why Charles Bridges says we must ‘Resist lust in its first rising in the heart. By vain beauty, and wanton eyes, many a deluded victim has been brought to a piece of bread’.
The latter part of that quote stems from the next verse, verse 26 in Proverbs 6, which says
‘for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread, but a married woman hunts down a precious life.’
Now there’s two ways to read the first part of that verse ... Some translations say ‘a prostitute leaves a man with nothing but a loaf of bread’ others are more like what I just read, alluding to this sense that adultery within marriage is very costly, far more costly than prostitution, as it destroys two families, rather than one.
Either way the cost is indeed very great. Adultery will strip you bare, take all you have, and leave you with nothing (with just a piece of bread).
The cost of sexual sin is great. It can cost you your life.
Back to chapter 5, verses 5 and 6. The forbidden woman or immoral man’s feet
‘...go down to death; (their) steps follow the path to Sheol; 6 (they do) not ponder the path of life; (their) ways wander, and (they do) not know it.’
These verses show us that the short night of pleasure can truly be succeeded by the eternal night of torment!! The forbidden woman and immoral man’s steps go down to hell, they lead to destruction. They don’t ponder the path to life, as in, they aren’t thinking about what is wise in accordance with the gospel. They are thinking chiefly of themselves and their own pleasures, and their ways ultimately wander, and they don’t even know it. They are tossed to and fro by every wind of lustful passion they have.
It kind of reminds me of the state of Rome in Paul’s letter to them. In chapter one he says, beginning in verse 24,
‘24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. 26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
Paul is describing people driven by their lustful passions for each other more than their passion for God. Does that not resemble America today? I think the answer there is obvious.
Whether now or later, there is a price to be paid for sexual sin.
Solomon says in chapter 5 verses 9-10 in committing sexual sin we ‘give our honor to others and our years to the merciless’...We give ‘strangers the fill of our strength, and our labors to the house of a foreigner’.
In contrast to the honor wisdom promises to give us in Proverbs 4:8 when we embrace her, when we embrace the forbidden woman or immoral man we give away our honor. We lose our respect in our community. The years we spent building up our reputation and integrity are gone in an instant to the merciless, Solomon says. By listening to and giving in to the immoral man’s smooth words, or by watching the assertive woman in a pornographic video, by having sex outside of marriage or having sex outside of the one whom we married, by doing that Solomon says ‘we are giving strangers the fill our strength’. By doing that we are giving the best part of ourselves to someone it
Does. Not. Belong to.
Hear that.
What great price is to be paid for sexual sin!
That statement becomes literal at the end of verse 10. ‘Your labors go to the house of a foreigner’. You’ve got alimony money, child support, your labors go to the house of someone you are not in a covenantal relationship with when you commit sexual sin.
Solomon continues in chapter six saying that none who commit sexual sin ‘will go unpunished’, that those who commit adultery ‘destroy themselves’ (Verses 29 and 32).
Sexual sin is self-destruction!
Again that smoothness that lures us in is in reality a sharp sword. Sexual sin will destroy you.
Solomon goes on in chapter 6 saying sexual sin leaves you ‘wounded and dishonored’, and the disgrace ‘will not be wiped away’ (Verse 33).
That stinger is not easily removed my friends. That disgrace lingers. That’s part of the price to be paid.
'Oh! how great iniquity'—exclaimed the godly Augustine; 'is this adultery! How great a perverseness! The soul, redeemed by the precious blood of Christ, is thus for the pleasures of an hour given to the devil; a thing much to be lamented and bewailed: when that which delights is soon gone, that which torments (the disgrace) remains without end.'
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Now there are endless stories, unfortunately, of those who have fallen to the language and looks of others, who have committed great sexual sin, and many of whom happen to be leaders in the church! And I won’t get into those examples. You can look those up. However, I do want to close by looking at the example Solomon gives in Chapter 7.
Solomon gives us a story of a young man who is ‘among the simple’, who ‘lacks sense’ (Verse 7). This is not a man but a boy in maturity, someone who has been noncommittal toward wisdom, who we know to be Jesus, which is why he is found in our story wandering the streets at night, passing along near the corner of the forbidden woman’s house, where she initiates a meeting with him.
Solomon describes the interaction like this: he says, beginning in verse 10,
‘And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart. 11 She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; 12 now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait. 13 She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, 14 “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; 15 so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you. 16 I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen; 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. 19 For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; 20 he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home.”
There are so many things here to note! Oh my goodness! Okay.
First, let’s address the temptations of language and looks that we’ve talked about in chapters 5 and 6.
In addressing the forbidden woman or immoral man’s looks Solomon says they are ‘dressed as a prostitute’. In other words, they are not dressed modestly, rather they are dressed to impress to the extent of intimacy. Their outfit is revealing. They want you to notice their appearance, whether that's the breasts or butt of a woman or the chest or biceps of a man.
And then look at the language here. The first thing Solomon portrays this forbidden woman of saying to the young man is this, with a bold face might I add, verses 14-15:
‘I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; 15 so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.’
The first words from the forbidden woman portrayed here are religious!
She’s trying to make a rebellious act a religious one.
Directly put, the forbidden woman in our story is trying to leverage religion to get in the young man’s pants. That’s huge here especially for the younger audience listening who is in love with Jesus.
The forbidden woman or immoral man will use and manipulate God to try and get you to fall into sexual sin. They will come across as having serious motives like we see in our story, but really, in actuality they are hollower than a coconut shell, ‘in it to hit it’, as they say nowadays.
They might say things like ‘It’s okay. We’re going to marry each other anyway someday. God knows that’... or ‘God will forgive us’ or ‘God doesn’t say anything about dating boundaries in Scripture, so going a little further here is okay so long as we don’t go all the way’. ‘I’m sure God understands’. ‘In fact, God knows your every need. He knows you need this’.
Lies. They’re all lies and that’s exactly what the forbidden woman is doing here in the story. She is speaking with a bold face, insinuating she is fibbing or exaggerating to get what she wants.
But this seductive language in our story does not stop there. The forbidden woman proceeds to portray a romantic setting in verses 16 and 17, and then in verses 18-20 she concludes by telling the young man he has nothing to fear. Hmm. She says:
‘Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. 19 For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; 20 he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home.”
Here she is easing the man’s reserves by assuring him they won’t get caught. ‘No one will know’, she says. Haven’t we heard that before?
More importantly, and hear this, note how this forbidden woman is not trying to convince the man what they are about to do is right. She’s simply trying to say that they won’t get caught.
She is trying to separate the deed from the consequence.
You know who else does that? You know who else tries to separate deed from consequence? The enemy. Satan. Genesis 3. ‘You will not surely die’, he said to Eve. From the beginning our enemy has been trying to separate the deed from the consequence.
And how often does he do that to us? He doesn't try to convince us sin is not sin, rather he tries to get us to rationalize our sin. To separate deed and consequence. And oftentimes that is under the veil that no one will know! Just like what we see here in Proverbs 7. But guess what? That’s another lie. Your sin will be found out. People. Will. Know. And on the rare, 1 in 100 chance they don’t, God does. He knows.
Proverbs 5:21, in this same section, Solomon says, ‘For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.’
God knows. God sees. If you think no one will find out, you are foolish. But even if no one does, God sees all of our sexual sin. We will be held accountable for it on judgment day. It will not go unnoticed.
So don’t fall for this trap like the man in the story. Don’t fall for the looks and the language. Don't fall for the lies. Look at the conclusion of our story, Solomon says, verse 21,
‘With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. 22 All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast 23 till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.’
Like the animals given in those verses, the young man does not know his decision will cost him his life. Therefore Solomon shares this story so that we don’t have to fall victim to his state.
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Now, lastly I want to point out the setting of this story because it's important. The young boy in this story should have NEVER, EVER been in that position to begin with. Never. But he lingered. He lingered in dark places and was found in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that led to his sexual sin.
And often that is true of you and me. This is often where the enemy gets us. He gets us to linger. And once we believe that lie, the lie that we don’t need to fear temptation, that we can stand it, then we fall. ‘Let every man that thinks he stands take heed lest he fall’ (1 Corinthians 10:12). Once we believe that lie, the lie that we can linger in temptation and not sin, the other aforementioned lies fall like dominoes.
It’s not enough to fear sin, we must also fear the temptation that leads to it.
Charles Bridges says of this story in Proverbs 7, ‘The loitering evening walk - the unreasonable hour - the vacant mind - all bringing the youth into contact with evil company (the forbidden woman) - was not this courting sin - tempting the temper?’
Think of that in relation to David and Bathesheba. David loitered where he should not on top of that roof, at an hour he should not have, because he should have been off at war, and his mind was far from God, and sure enough, he laid eyes on Bathsheba and committed adultery.
Fear of the sin is not enough. We cannot fear sexual sin but not the temptation to it. If that's us we are like the young man in Proverbs 7, and our result will be like his.
Back to Proverbs 6, verses 27-28:
‘Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? 28 Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?’
Don’t carry around temptation to sexual sin with you. Don’t linger on websites you shouldn’t linger, don’t linger around men or women that are far more apt to the lust of the flesh than the love of God. You will burn your clothes. Don’t make direct contact either, like one walking on hot coals, because you will scorch your feet. Sexual sin will consume you like fire.
Whoever touches the immoral man or forbidden woman will burn more than their fingertips. Again, it will cost you your life.
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Last thing, practically I think everyone listening struggles with being superstitious or substitious when it comes to sexual sin and the forbidden woman and immoral man.
The superstitious people have over belief. They think everyone is the forbidden man or woman. A girl says you’ve got a nice haircut and all of a sudden you think she’s the forbidden woman in Proverbs 7. She’s not. Take the compliment. It might be easy upon listening to this podcast to radically assume everyone is the forbidden woman or man, but I promise you. Not everyone is the forbidden woman or man.
Then others are substitious, as in they have under belief. They have disbelief. They don’t think anyone is the forbidden man or woman, they think that person does not exist in their context. I don’t even think I need to expound on the dangers of that thinking and the sin that can lead to.
But I bring that up because I want you as a listener to think of where you fall in that.
Are you prone to be more superstitious or substitious? Are you prone more to language or to looks? Do you fear temptation along with sin? Or are you prone to linger?
Knowing where you are prone to wander is a step in the right direction to overcoming sexual sin. And next week we’ll take more steps down that road, looking at how this fire we have for intimacy that can be so destructive, as we’ve seen today, can actually be very very good, when housed in the proper setting. Just like how actual fire can be far more good than destructive when located in a fireplace on a cold winter night. That’s the kind of fire we want, and that’s what we’ll look at next week.
I love you.
God bless.
